Are You Stuffing Your Feelings? It’s Time for Some Spring Cleaning.
We’ve been talking a lot lately in class about working smarter, not harder, when it comes to movement and muscle function.
So today, let’s apply that same idea to your emotions.
Sadly, many of us were never really taught how to work with what we feel. We were taught how to manage, contain, or hide our feelings.
Or we inherited certain messages about feelings… Crying is a sign of weakness. Anger means you lack self-control. If you are overly expressive you look like a fool.
And to be fair, we don’t want to be throwing full-blown toddler tantrums in the middle of the grocery store or sobbing uncontrollably in the movie theater where other viewers start throwing popcorn at us.
But somewhere along the way, we didn’t just learn how to regulate our emotions, we learned how to suppress them entirely.
And that’s where things start to go wrong.
Where Do Emotions Go When You Don’t Feel Them?
Well, they certainly don’t disappear. Rather, they get stored in the body as tension, tightness, and subtle (or not so subtle) holding patterns. Know anyone who looks like they are always holding their breath or clenching their jaw?
Over time, that constant “holding it together” can start to feel like:
a tight chest that never fully relaxes
shoulders and a neck that always feel a little too stiff
a nervous system that doesn’t quite downshift
a knot in the stomach
Sound familiar?
We often treat these as purely physical issues. Ah, it’s just tight muscles, poor posture, or stress.
But underneath it there’s often something else: Unprocessed emotional energy that never got a chance to move.
Emotions Are Not the Problem
Here’s something to consider…
Emotions are not problems to fix. Rather, they’re information.
They’re feedback from your system about what you’re experiencing. Even the uncomfortable emotions can help guides us, and teach us about ourselves.
Grief, sadness, frustration, anger, etc. aren’t signs that something is wrong with you. They tell you that you are a human being and not a robot… or a psychopath…also a thing not to aspire to be.
Why We Avoid Feeling (Even When We Know Better)
There’s a lot of fear around emotions.
“What if it hurts too much?”
“What if I can’t stop once I start?”
Honestly, sometimes it does feel intense. The pain is real and difficult.
But avoiding emotions doesn’t make them go away. It just keeps them stuck.
And when they’re stuck…
They don’t stay neatly in a mental box; they show up in the body. And often projectile vomit out of you at the most inopportune moments.
A Smarter Way to Work With Your Emotions
If “stuffing it down” doesn’t work, and “losing control” isn’t quite our goal here, what’s the alternative?
Something much simpler and much more effective: Allowing.
The next time something comes up, instead of immediately distracting yourself or pushing it away…pause and notice.
See if you can just hold it.
Not analyze it, fix it, or distract yourself by binge-watching Emily in Paris. (Seriously, how do you function like a normal person with a big ass flower across your chest, attached to a brightly colored haute couture sweater, wearing 4’ stiletto heels?)
Squirrel moment… back to regular programming…
Just let your feelings be there. Feel them wherever they are. Try holding them in your hands. Let your body respond however it needs to.
And yes, that might mean stepping away for a few minutes, closing the door or finding a bathroom, and having a private moment.
At first, this might feel like the harder thing to do. But it’s actually the smarter way to work with your system.
Because the more you allow emotions to move through you, the less they get stored in you or clog up your vital life force energy.
Where This Connects Back to the Body
When emotions are suppressed:
the body tightens
the breath becomes shallow
the nervous system stays in a heightened sympathetic nervous system response
Constant tension in your body drains your energy and often morphs into more serious diseases.
Who wants that?
You Don’t Need to Force Release
You can’t outthink your body or use affirmations to get rid of emotions.
I’m also not talking here about trying to dig all the skeletons in the closet or force something to come up. You don’t have to “process everything” all at once, or alone. Therapy can be a great support if stuffed feelings are indeed tied to past trauma.
However, what can help the most is simply creating the conditions for the body to feel safe enough to let go. And that’s where nervous system support comes in.
When your body feels safe, it will automatically start to get rid of the junk.
Creating Space for the Body to Let Go
When the nervous system shifts out of “fight or flight” and into a more relaxed state, the body naturally starts to unwind. Muscles soften, breathing slows, and the tension starts to release.
This is why I love incorporating movement practices into all my classes that support this shift – the resetting and restoring of the nervous system.
Working Smarter, Not Harder
We often think of healing, whether physical or emotional, as something that requires effort. We need to push, fix, do more.
But what if the real shift comes from doing less, and being more intentional about what you are doing?
It takes a great deal of energy (and often constant ruminating thought) to suppress something. So maybe working with your system and letting go, instead of fighting against it, is a better option?
And don’t be concerned if the same feelings around the same events keep coming up. Sometimes releasing is a slow drip versus a one-and-done.
An Invitation
If this resonates with you, start simple.
The next time something comes up take a conscious moment to pause and notice. What is bubbling up? Can you just be with it? Can you breathe through it, even if uncomfortable?
You don’t have to fix it. Just give it a little space to move.